Whenever I think of something very strongly, I think I should blog about it. So, here you go.
This is going to be a frustrating, complaining, nagging blog and a much needed one though. And I am sharing this only with some very close friends and family that even matter to us. I have been an over-sensitive person lately, especially since Sam's diagnosis 6 years ago. It has made me vulnerable and I am trying to get used to it. I laugh and cry at a moment's notice. First I thought I was bi-polar and got myself checked. Turns out, I am just a normal person dealing with complex situations and it is natural and amazing how I haven't lost it completely yet.
Most of you reading this should know the situation my husband and I are in. It has been 2 years and we are separated by distance for a year due to his visa issues. For the last 2 years I have been dealing with this supremacy of handling a job, bringing food to the table (exaggerating here), volunteering, taking care of Sam's therapy issues and life in general. And almost everyone has appreciated and admired me. Thanks. However, there is a hidden hero here. My husband. Since he moved to Seattle (Oct 2010), I have been promoted 3 times at work. That is kind of rare in a company like Microsoft. I have won a Community advocate award in WA state for autism advocacy and am nominated for another at the Disability Summit for Community Service. I could not have done any of these without Sagar. He has been my rock. I have had past issues with our situation and probably complained to some of you until I went to therapy. My therapist made me understand the situation this way. Imagining both of us running to go to work and managing Sam and doing the charity work we do, this break is actually a silver lining. As long as we both are happy, what anyone else thinks should not matter. And giving each other space (literally) has made me understand how challenging it must be for him. He could have just left me and gone or insisted that we moved to India for his benefit. Not once has that ever come up.
Then, am I not the unconventional modern woman that always wants to take charge? I probably earn as much as any other guy out there. We have managed to buy a house, rent out our condo and live happily with a special needs child and a pet. We have everything we need and then some. We always take frequent breaks to help recharge our systems. So, what is wrong with the fact that my husband has chosen to be home and help me out for a few years? Wouldn't you have done that for your wife? Probably not. Because, it is just not the way the world works, correct? But then, have Sagar and I ever followed the rules of the world? Never.
Let me tell you something about us. We are 2 people totally in love. I have said this to many friends and family, we are totally in love with each other and we are capable of giving up things for each other. When I asked Sagar to meet Sam in 2008 and then decide if he wanted to be with me, he said, "I don't care if your son is in a wheel chair, if he is yours, he is mine". How many of you have ever said that to anyone? How many of you have followed your heart? When I went to India, one thing stuck to me very strongly. I saw all the choices my husband could have made. All the other girls he could have married. Something about the daughter of a famous Jeweler, who could have inherited millions of dollars. Sagar could have had the perfect 1 crore wedding with dances, multiple cuisines and what not. Sagar could have had a beautiful wife that made theplas and Khakras for him everyday or someone who was very cool and just traveled the world with him with no baggage (no pun intended). Instead, when we met in 2008, he chose to show me all the movies we missed watching in 7 years, all the dishes we should have cooked for each other, all the laughter we could have shared with each other.
It is not that things changed after our wedding, I have a tough life. He saw it, he lived it every weekend with me. Doctor appointments, therapists coming in and out, constant calls/scheduling, crying at the drop of the hat, he saw everything. He always knew he would never be my first priority ever. Even during those honeymoon days. I gave him a taste of what life would be with me and with no hidden agendas. He completely embraced it. If I have fought with him, if we have had bad moments and situations, it was most probably me just acting crazy and not thinking straight. People who have known me for decades know that I can be an impulsive drama queen sometimes.
I have a very complicated life and am surrounded by complicated friends and that is how I can connect with them. I know a family that has lost their first child to brain tumor and the second child has severe autism and whenever I hang out with them, they just lighten up the room with their sense of humor. My life and suffering is nothing compared to what they have gone through. Losing a child tops the chart of pain and then comes having a physically or mentally disabled child. For once, I am second. :-)
Yes, we don't know what is going to happen next year. We have no idea how much money we will have in 10 years. This is not a race that we need to win. This is a journey that we need to enjoy even if it means not finishing it faster than you or some cousin or some friend. How are we going to plan for another baby, how are we going to raise Sam in this over-complicated materialistic world with conventional family and friends and people in general? The least we need is for you to judge us and form opinions about us. I have decided to consider advise only from people who are walking in our shoes or have walked even a mile with me. If you aren't one of them, then it is probably better to keep your ideas about our life to yourselves. It just makes me nervous and I really don't need that this year. I just need to count my days and get through this year until I see Sagar again.
When we celebrated our virtual anniversary last week, a very close friend of mine texted me that she had seen us go through some toughest times and we have just emerged stronger than ever. That is what we need. We don't need your suggestions, advice, concerns. This is our life and we are absolutely happy and completely in love with each other and the life we have created on our own, our way. We are going through a tough year now, just because, we miss each other terribly. When we met in Paris, Sagar made tea for me every morning. He got tea from India and made some terrible chai. He said, it was months since I had terrible tea and I happily drank it everyday. That is how we are. Yes, we do not have an ordinary life, because we are just extraordinary people. It is time you all accepted that and support us with love, affection and hugs and not with questions, concerns and queries. We are 35 and can totally take care of ourselves and each other. Thank You! Our love for each other will survive everything. And we have proven it time and time again to ourselves. So, all you people who talk to me or Sagar, In Seattle or India, or anywhere in the world, please be aware that we are not you and let us be ourselves. We are happy this way. Just like you wouldn't want our life, we wouldn't want yours either. Have you ever thought about that?
This is going to be a frustrating, complaining, nagging blog and a much needed one though. And I am sharing this only with some very close friends and family that even matter to us. I have been an over-sensitive person lately, especially since Sam's diagnosis 6 years ago. It has made me vulnerable and I am trying to get used to it. I laugh and cry at a moment's notice. First I thought I was bi-polar and got myself checked. Turns out, I am just a normal person dealing with complex situations and it is natural and amazing how I haven't lost it completely yet.
Most of you reading this should know the situation my husband and I are in. It has been 2 years and we are separated by distance for a year due to his visa issues. For the last 2 years I have been dealing with this supremacy of handling a job, bringing food to the table (exaggerating here), volunteering, taking care of Sam's therapy issues and life in general. And almost everyone has appreciated and admired me. Thanks. However, there is a hidden hero here. My husband. Since he moved to Seattle (Oct 2010), I have been promoted 3 times at work. That is kind of rare in a company like Microsoft. I have won a Community advocate award in WA state for autism advocacy and am nominated for another at the Disability Summit for Community Service. I could not have done any of these without Sagar. He has been my rock. I have had past issues with our situation and probably complained to some of you until I went to therapy. My therapist made me understand the situation this way. Imagining both of us running to go to work and managing Sam and doing the charity work we do, this break is actually a silver lining. As long as we both are happy, what anyone else thinks should not matter. And giving each other space (literally) has made me understand how challenging it must be for him. He could have just left me and gone or insisted that we moved to India for his benefit. Not once has that ever come up.
Then, am I not the unconventional modern woman that always wants to take charge? I probably earn as much as any other guy out there. We have managed to buy a house, rent out our condo and live happily with a special needs child and a pet. We have everything we need and then some. We always take frequent breaks to help recharge our systems. So, what is wrong with the fact that my husband has chosen to be home and help me out for a few years? Wouldn't you have done that for your wife? Probably not. Because, it is just not the way the world works, correct? But then, have Sagar and I ever followed the rules of the world? Never.
Let me tell you something about us. We are 2 people totally in love. I have said this to many friends and family, we are totally in love with each other and we are capable of giving up things for each other. When I asked Sagar to meet Sam in 2008 and then decide if he wanted to be with me, he said, "I don't care if your son is in a wheel chair, if he is yours, he is mine". How many of you have ever said that to anyone? How many of you have followed your heart? When I went to India, one thing stuck to me very strongly. I saw all the choices my husband could have made. All the other girls he could have married. Something about the daughter of a famous Jeweler, who could have inherited millions of dollars. Sagar could have had the perfect 1 crore wedding with dances, multiple cuisines and what not. Sagar could have had a beautiful wife that made theplas and Khakras for him everyday or someone who was very cool and just traveled the world with him with no baggage (no pun intended). Instead, when we met in 2008, he chose to show me all the movies we missed watching in 7 years, all the dishes we should have cooked for each other, all the laughter we could have shared with each other.
It is not that things changed after our wedding, I have a tough life. He saw it, he lived it every weekend with me. Doctor appointments, therapists coming in and out, constant calls/scheduling, crying at the drop of the hat, he saw everything. He always knew he would never be my first priority ever. Even during those honeymoon days. I gave him a taste of what life would be with me and with no hidden agendas. He completely embraced it. If I have fought with him, if we have had bad moments and situations, it was most probably me just acting crazy and not thinking straight. People who have known me for decades know that I can be an impulsive drama queen sometimes.
I have a very complicated life and am surrounded by complicated friends and that is how I can connect with them. I know a family that has lost their first child to brain tumor and the second child has severe autism and whenever I hang out with them, they just lighten up the room with their sense of humor. My life and suffering is nothing compared to what they have gone through. Losing a child tops the chart of pain and then comes having a physically or mentally disabled child. For once, I am second. :-)
Yes, we don't know what is going to happen next year. We have no idea how much money we will have in 10 years. This is not a race that we need to win. This is a journey that we need to enjoy even if it means not finishing it faster than you or some cousin or some friend. How are we going to plan for another baby, how are we going to raise Sam in this over-complicated materialistic world with conventional family and friends and people in general? The least we need is for you to judge us and form opinions about us. I have decided to consider advise only from people who are walking in our shoes or have walked even a mile with me. If you aren't one of them, then it is probably better to keep your ideas about our life to yourselves. It just makes me nervous and I really don't need that this year. I just need to count my days and get through this year until I see Sagar again.
When we celebrated our virtual anniversary last week, a very close friend of mine texted me that she had seen us go through some toughest times and we have just emerged stronger than ever. That is what we need. We don't need your suggestions, advice, concerns. This is our life and we are absolutely happy and completely in love with each other and the life we have created on our own, our way. We are going through a tough year now, just because, we miss each other terribly. When we met in Paris, Sagar made tea for me every morning. He got tea from India and made some terrible chai. He said, it was months since I had terrible tea and I happily drank it everyday. That is how we are. Yes, we do not have an ordinary life, because we are just extraordinary people. It is time you all accepted that and support us with love, affection and hugs and not with questions, concerns and queries. We are 35 and can totally take care of ourselves and each other. Thank You! Our love for each other will survive everything. And we have proven it time and time again to ourselves. So, all you people who talk to me or Sagar, In Seattle or India, or anywhere in the world, please be aware that we are not you and let us be ourselves. We are happy this way. Just like you wouldn't want our life, we wouldn't want yours either. Have you ever thought about that?
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