This is a Carrie Bradshaw (the girl from Sex and the City) movie that flopped miserably at the box office. I normally don't want anything to do with her. She kindda annoys me. But, please read on.
I have been planning to write this for sometime now. Sam's therapist is home and is working with him for the next 2 hours. Sipping some juice (no caffeine after lunch is my new policy) and settling down in front of the heater, with the dog at my feet, I share these best practices.
I have been noticing something for a while lately. Everyone is busy, running, forgetful, stressed out, trying to juggle lots of things at one time, multi-tasking, worried, unable to sleep and the list goes on. I am one of those too, but the intensity has reduced significantly in the last 2 years. When I went to India this time, it struck me a lot. Though India has its own drawbacks around traffic (worse than LA) and getting things done on time efficiently, there are also perks like servants to cook, clean, do dishes, laundry. These are unaffordable in this coutry. Still, it seemed like everyone is busy busy busy.... unorganised, not managing time very well, stressed out, less time for family, hobbies and pleasure activities.
Almost everyone, except my mother, asked me one question, "How do you do it, Arti?". How do you manage everything, we are just so busy. A year ago, the word "busy" used to annoy me. I thought being "Busy" is an excuse to avoid doing things, taking resposibility. I stopped saying I was busy. I just stopped it. Went cold turkey. A neighbor who met me once a year because she was "busy", a cousin who never called me except to ask for money because she had been busy, people on facebook always tell me they are so busy and ask how I get the time to change profile pictures! Not sure if that is a compliment or an insult. Nope, I am never busy. My busiest days are probably Dec 31 and June 30th, because of year end issues at work. I was juggling a lot, taking up more than I could handle until I realised a few facts and tricks. I am going to share this secret with you all and let you take a look at my life and how things are not always as difficult as they look. Even with a special needs child and practically single for a year with a full time job and house to maintain all by myself (learning to change light bulbs this weekend and rake leaves in the front yard, phew), I still have time to catch a movie with a friend, go for Happy Hour with peers, take the dog out to the park, have sleep overs for Sam, invite friends home, get a massage, get a hair cut, apply make-up before going to work (this is new!), get decently dressed, make breakfast and dinner and watch HBO and even write this blog.
1. Get good sleep - I recommend 8-9 hours of sleep every night if you have the luxury or atleast 6 hours and 9 hours during weekends. Tricks I am going to apply this year - do not watch TV to go to sleep, do not open your laptop, turn off all the lights and let the dog out no matter how cold it is. I almost wake up everyday around 3 am and it freaks me out and reminds me of Paranormal Activity.
No alarms for me as my dog always whines at 6. I am also a morning person, so going to sleep by 11 has always been easy for me.
2. Wake up by 6 - Not that I go running or do Yoga at 6, I login at 6 and clear up most of my inbox by 7 am. I also boil potatoes or whatever is needed in this time. I sit with a cup of chai and just realx. I have scheduled calls at this hour with the east coast folks. It feels like half my day's work is already done. At 7:30, Sam wakes up (I have a rule, if he doesn't wake up himself then he didnot get a good night sleep), force him to shower and he dresses up himself and eats his heavy breakfast of 3 egg omlette or 3 dosas, 8 strawberries, a bowl of yogurt and OJ. He does this EVERY morning. When your child eats so well in the morning, the day has started off pretty good already. So, invest in time for breakfast. I always eat a bar and drink a glass of OJ. My goal is to have breakfast with him every morning this year.
3. It's ok to be late - I am a VERY punctual person, if someone gives me a time, I have got to be there. No matter what. This used to be extremely stressful for me as I time myself everyday. If it takes 11 mins to go from my house to Sam's school, I wouldn't start before 8:49. Today, I started at 8:40, made it by 8:51 and spoke to his teachers, chatted with a few parents and hugged and kissed him. However, I am trying hard not to beat myself up if I am 2-5 mins late. (I am not being totally honest here!). If you are late 2 out of 10 times, it is ok. I have learnt this the hard way by scratching my car while running to a meeting. So, calm freaking down already. However, let people know if you are late by more than 10 whole minutes. I get really pissed if people make me wait longer without informing me.
4. Invest in a good phone - Whether you are an ardent Microsoft fan or use one of those Andriods or Apples, doesn't matter, just get a good smart phone. Use the calender, because it beeps and reminds you of stuff. I use my calender for everything. Right from scheduling massage appointments to paying my credit card bills. I also obviously use it for work, but they are 2 different accounts I have set up and I don't reveal my private appointment details to my team, but they do know when I am working and what times I am out in a given day. Also, all of Sam's therapists and Sam's dad use a Google calender so that everyone knows where Sam is, who is picking up, dropping him, when is he on vacation, school schedule, field trips, conferences and what not. This way, noone needs to remember anything. Investing 5-10 mins every week to enter all the information and making changes are going to save you tons of time and money. I also have unlimited Text messages as Sam's therapists love to text and it is easier than talking for sure. It has worked wonderfully for me. Before I shred my mails, I do take a picture of important bills and such. This way I don't have to spend time looking for a specific thing. I just need to like in my phone pictures. Even when someone gives me his card, I take a picture. I do not save physical cards. I will definitely lose it.
5. Share apps and calenders - My husband and I share "Evernote". He orders Gorceries and Household items for me by just looking at what all I need in Seattle from India. It is on both our phones and he knows exactly what is in the pantry and what is needed. One of us buys it and edits evernote. It is all in the cloud. We also have online banking (there is no physical bank) and we scan and deposit checks, we have set auto-pay, e-bills and pay people from our accounts online. So, use some good apps and share it with your spouse or whoever manages money in your house. This way, I dont have to remind him to deposit a check, get onions and get a gift for our anniversary ;-). We also use "Mint" to share financial information. If you are comfortable sharing your accounts with your spouse or partner, this is great. It has Zillow for property value on a given day, 401k, stocks or whatever investment accounts you hold, all banks, all credit cards, every $ that is spent from each credit card/account and catogerises your spending pattern in grocery, restaurants, school, gas, donations and what not for a given month. It is an extremely useful app and also triggers if you overspend, so it is good for fraud detection too. I also personally use a Voice recorder these days, it is a Windows phone app. Whenever I remember something and cannot type because I am walking or driving or doing something else, I just open the app and remind myself "Remember to take dog to vet". Then when I come home, I check my VR and call the vet and schedule appt and put the appt in my calender. This is key. Apart from all this, I email myself everytime I remember something. This has worked the best for me. "Get Dosa atta from Indian store" is always on my email every Monday :-)
6. Buy a good bluetooth : Most of those social calls and calls to parents can be done when you are driving. I normally do this when I drive to work in the mornings. Do not text and drive though. It is dangerous. My bluetooth also tells me every time an email or calender pops up, so I don't have to be anxious about why my phone just beeped while driving. Ok, I admit, I wear my bluetooth while cooking sometimes. When I am traveling this is also useful to tell me directions from my phone. So, no mapquest print outs and GPSs for me. Everything is done through one device, my phone.
7. Donate or do something nice: Do good and good will follow. Whatever cause you can relate to, donate time/money or talent. It not only gives you great satisfaction, but also gives you a purpose for your existence. I hear many people say that life is a rat race. It is all so materialistic, you earn and buy a new house, new car, raise kids and die. Not if you choose to donate. I was recently awarded the "Community Advocate of Autism Community in Washington State", I raise anywhere from $2k to $5k a year for Sam's school and volunteer 80 hours a year in non-profit work. I have washed dogs in the Humane Society, I have driven special needs kids to watch Nutcracker, cleaned up school playgrounds, carried furniture. It is a very fulfilling experience and trust me, doing that will not only expose you to wonderful people and organisations, but also to the new you. You will be surprised how life-changing this can be. Try it, you won't complain so much about life anymore! And encourage people to do it too. You will also feel how fortunate you are to be healthy and financially adequate unlike others you serve. It will make you feel grateful and change your view that life is indeed bigger than you and your home.
8. Listen to music or read self-help books: On my way driving back from work, I always listen to my favortie songs I have on my phone. Great stress busters for me. I try to do Natasha's "Unwritten" or Miley's "Climb" or "Margazhi Poove". If I am pissed at my husband, I try "Chura Liya" or "Truly Madly Deeply". These were our songs when we dated. When I miss him, I listen to "Po nee po". I also downloaded a Tamil comedian's video (Santhanam) and watch it if I feel sad. It always uplifts my mood. I have read almost 6 self-help books, most of them women-oriented, on time-management, career management, marriage, happiness, Emotional Quotient etc.. My life-coach highly enourages me to read about Hillary Clinton. I have to do that soon. So, anything to calm you down. Mental stress is more consuming than physical stress. When Sam cries loudly or does something to upset me, I always remember to stay clam. If I get upset, he gets extremey upset too.
9. Embrace change: I hear lot of people saying, why should I change, I am good the way I am. Or he/she wouldn't change because of age or personality or whatever reason. I ask you not to change for others, change for yourself. I am very stubborn too, I never wanted an extravagant wedding, I paid my parents off every penny they spent on my education, I am very particular about money and what we do with it, I always love taking vacations. However, if you notice, all these quirks are for myself. I cannot change these things because I don't want to, as they have only given me pride and pleasure. However, if I am annoying, nagging, gossipping, opening up to "friends", then I only end up getting hurt and stressed out. So, changing yourself for your own good is a great thing you can do to yourself. If watching TV until 1 am is causing you stress the next morning, this needs to be changed. I have come to believe that change happens with me and if I change my circumstances change.
10. Make good friends and make the relationship professional - I have very few friends here in Seattle, my husband always laughs when I tell him that we should invite all our friends, because we only have a handful. I have a few good mom-friends that I can always depend on. You know who you are. If I need ANY help with Sam, they are always there for me. However, I never take our relationship for granted, we negotiate, we work out a plan, swap schedules and free up each other's time, carpool and arrange sleep-overs. Sometimes, all you have to do is ASK! People are always willing to help you if you ask and help them too. My other close friend V is my rock. I am "cool" with her because we have no expectations from each other. However, I know if I need anything, she is there for me. As I age, I have learnt to identify who is going to work for my family, schedule and mutual benefit. It works, try it. Be honest and professional and also be caring and loving, when needed.
11. Enjoy yourself - I have some extreme cheap thrills, like watching the first show of Kamal Hassan or Surya or Shanning Taatum's movies. Or, eating at a specific restaurant, driving to Taco Bell at 11 to quench that sick Taco craving, Going to an outlet mall and buying a $40 purse that is worth $300 and being extremely proud of the bargain, getting a foster dog, jumping on the trampoline with Sam, cleaning my house (I am weird), getting a massage (just got one today), buying all those cheap unnecessary items on groupon once in a while, looking at tickets to Hawaii every week - just in case, going out with a girlfriend and b%*&$ about everyone, watching a horror movie even though you know it is going to freak you out, watching horrific serial killer true stories, watching Law and Order SVU, American Horror Story and Criminal minds EVERY SINGLE week, using the jacuzzi, watching crappy Tamil movies during weekends. Life is not all about work, money, husband, kids, in-laws, parents, friends, bosses and society. Life is mostly about you.
12. Develop a good sense of humor : This is probably the best thing I have learnt from my husband. To learn to crack jokes. And to learn to laugh at myself. Sometimes, it works to make fun of things and move on. We make fun of everything, right from burning a pizza to Sam's autism. After I met my husband, life is just not so serious. He gave me what I needed the most, laughter. We love watching funny movies like Hang Over and laughing for the same jokes we crack almost every day. If we have nothing left, we end up betting that whoever laughs in the next few mins is the loser. Yeah, we are so silly. But, it has always worked. I have had some horrible times with Sam and his autism and my husband always made fun of the situation to make it lighter for me. We have a rule, only one person is allowed to be serious. So, laugh out loud, laugh at yourself and develop a decent sense of humor. It makes things so much simpler than they seem.
13. Outsource: I have a rule, I always pick up Sam. I used to feel so guilty that I was not so involved like other moms at school that don't work, until I realised a trick. Always pick up Sam. So, I block 3:30-4 on my calender so that noone books any meetings at those times. I am there, outside his school, waiting to hear how his day was, what worked and what didnot. If I miss a day, I make sure the teachers email me his day's activities and share it with the google group. I also outsource his therapy co-ordination to a girl I hired this summer. She manages his calender and his google group and co-ordinates with Speech, Occupational, Yoga and therapists at school. There are 11 members in the google group including his dad. This has been a breakthrough for us, because every single person that meets Sam in a given day knows what his latest quirky habits are and what upsets and doesn't upset him. Also, I outcourse drop-off, I call other moms or my husband for help. I ASK! I love to clean my house, so I haven't outsourced it yet. I only order groceries from amazon.com. It is not very cheap, but, it makes you buy only what is needed. I don't seem to waste food anymore as I buy only what is needed for those 2 weeks. I shop online. Period. Right from Butch's poop bags to Nexus tablets, we shop on amazon.com. I don't remember the last time I went to Radio Shack/ Office Depot. I also try to buy pants for Sam from a friend. She works at this shop and I give her the size and trust her taste. She buys the perfect clothes for Sam. I pay her and pick up the clothes. I have never not liked what she has chosen for Sam in the last 3 years. She is AWESOME. So, outsource whenever you can, you CANNOT do everything.
14. GET HELP - All the 13 points I have listed above happened because I identified I needed help. I could not go on with so much on my plate. I worked with my life-coach on all the 13 things above. Though there are some qualities inherent to my personality, he helped me take it one step further. He is not emotionally attached to me, he encourages me to ask for a raise, he advises me on marital and relationship issues. He has been extremely helpful. So, when you feel you cannot handle it anymore or life is overwhelming, go and get help from someone professional. Make sure this person is not attached to you in anyway as he needs to see things through a different set of lenses. It can be expensive, but I swear by it. Admit you need help and get it.
So, no matter how hard it is, there is always a way to have fun, organise yourself and make time for everyone. It is fun, trust me.
I have been planning to write this for sometime now. Sam's therapist is home and is working with him for the next 2 hours. Sipping some juice (no caffeine after lunch is my new policy) and settling down in front of the heater, with the dog at my feet, I share these best practices.
I have been noticing something for a while lately. Everyone is busy, running, forgetful, stressed out, trying to juggle lots of things at one time, multi-tasking, worried, unable to sleep and the list goes on. I am one of those too, but the intensity has reduced significantly in the last 2 years. When I went to India this time, it struck me a lot. Though India has its own drawbacks around traffic (worse than LA) and getting things done on time efficiently, there are also perks like servants to cook, clean, do dishes, laundry. These are unaffordable in this coutry. Still, it seemed like everyone is busy busy busy.... unorganised, not managing time very well, stressed out, less time for family, hobbies and pleasure activities.
Almost everyone, except my mother, asked me one question, "How do you do it, Arti?". How do you manage everything, we are just so busy. A year ago, the word "busy" used to annoy me. I thought being "Busy" is an excuse to avoid doing things, taking resposibility. I stopped saying I was busy. I just stopped it. Went cold turkey. A neighbor who met me once a year because she was "busy", a cousin who never called me except to ask for money because she had been busy, people on facebook always tell me they are so busy and ask how I get the time to change profile pictures! Not sure if that is a compliment or an insult. Nope, I am never busy. My busiest days are probably Dec 31 and June 30th, because of year end issues at work. I was juggling a lot, taking up more than I could handle until I realised a few facts and tricks. I am going to share this secret with you all and let you take a look at my life and how things are not always as difficult as they look. Even with a special needs child and practically single for a year with a full time job and house to maintain all by myself (learning to change light bulbs this weekend and rake leaves in the front yard, phew), I still have time to catch a movie with a friend, go for Happy Hour with peers, take the dog out to the park, have sleep overs for Sam, invite friends home, get a massage, get a hair cut, apply make-up before going to work (this is new!), get decently dressed, make breakfast and dinner and watch HBO and even write this blog.
1. Get good sleep - I recommend 8-9 hours of sleep every night if you have the luxury or atleast 6 hours and 9 hours during weekends. Tricks I am going to apply this year - do not watch TV to go to sleep, do not open your laptop, turn off all the lights and let the dog out no matter how cold it is. I almost wake up everyday around 3 am and it freaks me out and reminds me of Paranormal Activity.
No alarms for me as my dog always whines at 6. I am also a morning person, so going to sleep by 11 has always been easy for me.
2. Wake up by 6 - Not that I go running or do Yoga at 6, I login at 6 and clear up most of my inbox by 7 am. I also boil potatoes or whatever is needed in this time. I sit with a cup of chai and just realx. I have scheduled calls at this hour with the east coast folks. It feels like half my day's work is already done. At 7:30, Sam wakes up (I have a rule, if he doesn't wake up himself then he didnot get a good night sleep), force him to shower and he dresses up himself and eats his heavy breakfast of 3 egg omlette or 3 dosas, 8 strawberries, a bowl of yogurt and OJ. He does this EVERY morning. When your child eats so well in the morning, the day has started off pretty good already. So, invest in time for breakfast. I always eat a bar and drink a glass of OJ. My goal is to have breakfast with him every morning this year.
3. It's ok to be late - I am a VERY punctual person, if someone gives me a time, I have got to be there. No matter what. This used to be extremely stressful for me as I time myself everyday. If it takes 11 mins to go from my house to Sam's school, I wouldn't start before 8:49. Today, I started at 8:40, made it by 8:51 and spoke to his teachers, chatted with a few parents and hugged and kissed him. However, I am trying hard not to beat myself up if I am 2-5 mins late. (I am not being totally honest here!). If you are late 2 out of 10 times, it is ok. I have learnt this the hard way by scratching my car while running to a meeting. So, calm freaking down already. However, let people know if you are late by more than 10 whole minutes. I get really pissed if people make me wait longer without informing me.
4. Invest in a good phone - Whether you are an ardent Microsoft fan or use one of those Andriods or Apples, doesn't matter, just get a good smart phone. Use the calender, because it beeps and reminds you of stuff. I use my calender for everything. Right from scheduling massage appointments to paying my credit card bills. I also obviously use it for work, but they are 2 different accounts I have set up and I don't reveal my private appointment details to my team, but they do know when I am working and what times I am out in a given day. Also, all of Sam's therapists and Sam's dad use a Google calender so that everyone knows where Sam is, who is picking up, dropping him, when is he on vacation, school schedule, field trips, conferences and what not. This way, noone needs to remember anything. Investing 5-10 mins every week to enter all the information and making changes are going to save you tons of time and money. I also have unlimited Text messages as Sam's therapists love to text and it is easier than talking for sure. It has worked wonderfully for me. Before I shred my mails, I do take a picture of important bills and such. This way I don't have to spend time looking for a specific thing. I just need to like in my phone pictures. Even when someone gives me his card, I take a picture. I do not save physical cards. I will definitely lose it.
5. Share apps and calenders - My husband and I share "Evernote". He orders Gorceries and Household items for me by just looking at what all I need in Seattle from India. It is on both our phones and he knows exactly what is in the pantry and what is needed. One of us buys it and edits evernote. It is all in the cloud. We also have online banking (there is no physical bank) and we scan and deposit checks, we have set auto-pay, e-bills and pay people from our accounts online. So, use some good apps and share it with your spouse or whoever manages money in your house. This way, I dont have to remind him to deposit a check, get onions and get a gift for our anniversary ;-). We also use "Mint" to share financial information. If you are comfortable sharing your accounts with your spouse or partner, this is great. It has Zillow for property value on a given day, 401k, stocks or whatever investment accounts you hold, all banks, all credit cards, every $ that is spent from each credit card/account and catogerises your spending pattern in grocery, restaurants, school, gas, donations and what not for a given month. It is an extremely useful app and also triggers if you overspend, so it is good for fraud detection too. I also personally use a Voice recorder these days, it is a Windows phone app. Whenever I remember something and cannot type because I am walking or driving or doing something else, I just open the app and remind myself "Remember to take dog to vet". Then when I come home, I check my VR and call the vet and schedule appt and put the appt in my calender. This is key. Apart from all this, I email myself everytime I remember something. This has worked the best for me. "Get Dosa atta from Indian store" is always on my email every Monday :-)
6. Buy a good bluetooth : Most of those social calls and calls to parents can be done when you are driving. I normally do this when I drive to work in the mornings. Do not text and drive though. It is dangerous. My bluetooth also tells me every time an email or calender pops up, so I don't have to be anxious about why my phone just beeped while driving. Ok, I admit, I wear my bluetooth while cooking sometimes. When I am traveling this is also useful to tell me directions from my phone. So, no mapquest print outs and GPSs for me. Everything is done through one device, my phone.
7. Donate or do something nice: Do good and good will follow. Whatever cause you can relate to, donate time/money or talent. It not only gives you great satisfaction, but also gives you a purpose for your existence. I hear many people say that life is a rat race. It is all so materialistic, you earn and buy a new house, new car, raise kids and die. Not if you choose to donate. I was recently awarded the "Community Advocate of Autism Community in Washington State", I raise anywhere from $2k to $5k a year for Sam's school and volunteer 80 hours a year in non-profit work. I have washed dogs in the Humane Society, I have driven special needs kids to watch Nutcracker, cleaned up school playgrounds, carried furniture. It is a very fulfilling experience and trust me, doing that will not only expose you to wonderful people and organisations, but also to the new you. You will be surprised how life-changing this can be. Try it, you won't complain so much about life anymore! And encourage people to do it too. You will also feel how fortunate you are to be healthy and financially adequate unlike others you serve. It will make you feel grateful and change your view that life is indeed bigger than you and your home.
8. Listen to music or read self-help books: On my way driving back from work, I always listen to my favortie songs I have on my phone. Great stress busters for me. I try to do Natasha's "Unwritten" or Miley's "Climb" or "Margazhi Poove". If I am pissed at my husband, I try "Chura Liya" or "Truly Madly Deeply". These were our songs when we dated. When I miss him, I listen to "Po nee po". I also downloaded a Tamil comedian's video (Santhanam) and watch it if I feel sad. It always uplifts my mood. I have read almost 6 self-help books, most of them women-oriented, on time-management, career management, marriage, happiness, Emotional Quotient etc.. My life-coach highly enourages me to read about Hillary Clinton. I have to do that soon. So, anything to calm you down. Mental stress is more consuming than physical stress. When Sam cries loudly or does something to upset me, I always remember to stay clam. If I get upset, he gets extremey upset too.
9. Embrace change: I hear lot of people saying, why should I change, I am good the way I am. Or he/she wouldn't change because of age or personality or whatever reason. I ask you not to change for others, change for yourself. I am very stubborn too, I never wanted an extravagant wedding, I paid my parents off every penny they spent on my education, I am very particular about money and what we do with it, I always love taking vacations. However, if you notice, all these quirks are for myself. I cannot change these things because I don't want to, as they have only given me pride and pleasure. However, if I am annoying, nagging, gossipping, opening up to "friends", then I only end up getting hurt and stressed out. So, changing yourself for your own good is a great thing you can do to yourself. If watching TV until 1 am is causing you stress the next morning, this needs to be changed. I have come to believe that change happens with me and if I change my circumstances change.
10. Make good friends and make the relationship professional - I have very few friends here in Seattle, my husband always laughs when I tell him that we should invite all our friends, because we only have a handful. I have a few good mom-friends that I can always depend on. You know who you are. If I need ANY help with Sam, they are always there for me. However, I never take our relationship for granted, we negotiate, we work out a plan, swap schedules and free up each other's time, carpool and arrange sleep-overs. Sometimes, all you have to do is ASK! People are always willing to help you if you ask and help them too. My other close friend V is my rock. I am "cool" with her because we have no expectations from each other. However, I know if I need anything, she is there for me. As I age, I have learnt to identify who is going to work for my family, schedule and mutual benefit. It works, try it. Be honest and professional and also be caring and loving, when needed.
11. Enjoy yourself - I have some extreme cheap thrills, like watching the first show of Kamal Hassan or Surya or Shanning Taatum's movies. Or, eating at a specific restaurant, driving to Taco Bell at 11 to quench that sick Taco craving, Going to an outlet mall and buying a $40 purse that is worth $300 and being extremely proud of the bargain, getting a foster dog, jumping on the trampoline with Sam, cleaning my house (I am weird), getting a massage (just got one today), buying all those cheap unnecessary items on groupon once in a while, looking at tickets to Hawaii every week - just in case, going out with a girlfriend and b%*&$ about everyone, watching a horror movie even though you know it is going to freak you out, watching horrific serial killer true stories, watching Law and Order SVU, American Horror Story and Criminal minds EVERY SINGLE week, using the jacuzzi, watching crappy Tamil movies during weekends. Life is not all about work, money, husband, kids, in-laws, parents, friends, bosses and society. Life is mostly about you.
12. Develop a good sense of humor : This is probably the best thing I have learnt from my husband. To learn to crack jokes. And to learn to laugh at myself. Sometimes, it works to make fun of things and move on. We make fun of everything, right from burning a pizza to Sam's autism. After I met my husband, life is just not so serious. He gave me what I needed the most, laughter. We love watching funny movies like Hang Over and laughing for the same jokes we crack almost every day. If we have nothing left, we end up betting that whoever laughs in the next few mins is the loser. Yeah, we are so silly. But, it has always worked. I have had some horrible times with Sam and his autism and my husband always made fun of the situation to make it lighter for me. We have a rule, only one person is allowed to be serious. So, laugh out loud, laugh at yourself and develop a decent sense of humor. It makes things so much simpler than they seem.
13. Outsource: I have a rule, I always pick up Sam. I used to feel so guilty that I was not so involved like other moms at school that don't work, until I realised a trick. Always pick up Sam. So, I block 3:30-4 on my calender so that noone books any meetings at those times. I am there, outside his school, waiting to hear how his day was, what worked and what didnot. If I miss a day, I make sure the teachers email me his day's activities and share it with the google group. I also outsource his therapy co-ordination to a girl I hired this summer. She manages his calender and his google group and co-ordinates with Speech, Occupational, Yoga and therapists at school. There are 11 members in the google group including his dad. This has been a breakthrough for us, because every single person that meets Sam in a given day knows what his latest quirky habits are and what upsets and doesn't upset him. Also, I outcourse drop-off, I call other moms or my husband for help. I ASK! I love to clean my house, so I haven't outsourced it yet. I only order groceries from amazon.com. It is not very cheap, but, it makes you buy only what is needed. I don't seem to waste food anymore as I buy only what is needed for those 2 weeks. I shop online. Period. Right from Butch's poop bags to Nexus tablets, we shop on amazon.com. I don't remember the last time I went to Radio Shack/ Office Depot. I also try to buy pants for Sam from a friend. She works at this shop and I give her the size and trust her taste. She buys the perfect clothes for Sam. I pay her and pick up the clothes. I have never not liked what she has chosen for Sam in the last 3 years. She is AWESOME. So, outsource whenever you can, you CANNOT do everything.
14. GET HELP - All the 13 points I have listed above happened because I identified I needed help. I could not go on with so much on my plate. I worked with my life-coach on all the 13 things above. Though there are some qualities inherent to my personality, he helped me take it one step further. He is not emotionally attached to me, he encourages me to ask for a raise, he advises me on marital and relationship issues. He has been extremely helpful. So, when you feel you cannot handle it anymore or life is overwhelming, go and get help from someone professional. Make sure this person is not attached to you in anyway as he needs to see things through a different set of lenses. It can be expensive, but I swear by it. Admit you need help and get it.
So, no matter how hard it is, there is always a way to have fun, organise yourself and make time for everyone. It is fun, trust me.
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