To err is rewarding!

I was definitely not this person 12-15 years ago, I was selfish, cautious, judgemental, opinionated, demanding, stressed out, anxious, frustrated and very materialistic. I come from a highly demanding, competitive TamBram family where every cousin, neighbor, friend was either a doctor or an engineer. I have 2 doctors, 1 dentist, 1 lawyer, TONS of engineers in my extended family. Even an actress! Everyone danced, sang or played atleast one instrument. I was literally bribed into playing Veena while I wanted to learn to dance. Ofcourse, nice girls didnot learn to dance in the 1980s!

I was a great student, studied little, but managed to top almost every grade and always was in the Top 10 in the Univ through my under-gradute program. Then I got my "dream" job, my parent's dream job, at one of the most famous companies in India. I was 21. I was miserable. I hated my job and I realised my whole degree had gone waste. I wanted to become a Journalist and travel and write about women in the Middle East, endagered species in Africa and what not! Ofcourse, I couldn't do Arts, it was frowned upon in the TamBram community! That's when I decided something, I resigned my high paying "Software Engineer" job. I had a baby! I thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I got bored in weeks, I was restless. I thought I wanted to become an HR, didnot work. I thought I wanted to start my own business, I invested $1000 (in Rs in 2004, this was a huge amount) did extremely well, but had a very bad business partner that conned me and left me penniless. I had to start from scratch and I had a son to take care of too.

   My mom's voice kept telling me, "I told you so". I wanted to prove her wrong. I realised my mistake and I joined Michelle. My dear friend Michelle who welcomed me with open arms. She was starting up a business with her husband and I offered to be her BizDev. The business I had started earlier was in the same field, so I got my clients to Michelle and we rocked the whole city. I made LOT of Money, bought an apartment in India and was settling down. That's when I decided I was good at Sales and client relationship. I politely moved from Michelle to get into IT. Worked in a few small companies and then got this gig at Microsoft. I have never hated my job for a single day. It is stressful, back breaking, needy, demanding, but it is very rewarding and extremely satisfying to let a customer know how he can cost effectively start his business with Microsoft technology! I am building someone's business and livelihood here. That is when I learnt, what you study, what you become can be completely different. I am the only Engineer on my Sales team and my analytical skills help my team think through things their MBA brains may not! I closed the biggest deal of my career last month. I cannot see myself doing anything different anymore. I am set for life, I have no regrets and I am fortunate to have found my niche with a tiny baby on my lap at 25! Many people don't get to figure out their passion for a very long time! But again, I learnt from my mistake of opening the business and failing eventually. I would have never found Michelle, never recognised my strengths and passion for Sales. I wrote my destiny and this song always inspires me. (It is in Tamil)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXiD9eGaEEI

My baby boy Sam is the most imperfectly perfect mistake I have made. Over the course of these 8 years with him, I have learnt so much, that love has no expectations, no conditions, only sacrifices! Sweet sacrifices! Simple everyday sacrifices. I learnt from the society, how to be and how not to be! One of the most mean lines I still tell my mom, "You definitely taught me how NOT to be a parent sometimes". She just smiles! My 8 year old changed me 180 degrees. Sam is still this sweet little baby that may not even be able to support himself independently. Knowing that this boy maynot give me anything back in my lifetime, may never take care of me, may never become something big and make me proud, make me competitive, make me boast about with my girlfriends.... but what this boy can do, I am not sure anybody's child can do. This boy brings genuine smile, laughter, happiness, this boy never judges anyone, never criticises anyone, never expects anything from anyone. He has no ego, no pain, no jealousy, no conspiracy theories. He is as pure as white, and I just took some color from him and painted myself with it. I would have never wanted him any other way. People ask me if he has improved or if he is progressing, I find myself saying these days, "Ummm what is wrong with him again?" He is living, thriving, finding himself, exploring the world, loving us all! He has progressed and we should too, sometime soon!

My perfect "mistake" taught me how to live fully, enjoy simple pleasures, be stronger and love passionately. Be compassionate, mindful and thoughtful about everything around me. I didnot make him, he has made me. If I wasn't married to the person I was married to, I would never had the joy of living with Mr. White (Sam). See how mistakes can be a blessing!! This song still gives me the chills! (Tamil).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pk3Aba-opw

So, I know I will keep making mistakes and keep learning from them. I am not scared anymore because I know my mistakes will eventually lead to very rewarding consequences! Good luck making mistakes everyone! :-)